I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
