I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
