I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
