I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
