Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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