omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize