I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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