Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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