I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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