So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
