i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
