The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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