I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
