He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
