My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
