i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
