Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize