do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We need a shit load of segways right now
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
