You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
