She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
