my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
