i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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