The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
