I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
