Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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