My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
