when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
