she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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