mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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