That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
