True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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