no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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