Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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