is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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