I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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