Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
