she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
