you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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