so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
