He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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