yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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