If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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