If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
