Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
