I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
