We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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