there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
