The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
