i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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