Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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