I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
