I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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