I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize