and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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