I CAN MOONWALK!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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