We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Randomize
