so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
there is puke in my bra ... again
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