ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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