does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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