Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
