Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize