guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
