She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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