remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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