we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
