when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
