Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
