I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
