I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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