I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
