Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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