I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
