i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
