I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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