He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize