I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
