On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
