Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
