Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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