Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
