But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I want to make a zoo with you.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
