weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
