real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
