quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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