you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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