Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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