Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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