Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
