so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
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